Saturday, March 5, 2016

How to Win at Speed Dating

Alyssa mentioned that BYU was hosting a speed dating event Friday night and I responded "And we're going!" We pause our Lego Batman 2 game at the appointed time and head on up to the Wilk. We're punctual people so we arrived just as it should have been starting. We're joking and laughing about what we're going to do when it ends up being just the two of us there when we walk in and see a massive line of people.
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The line stretched on ahead of us and was continually growing behind us. It was amazing. Who knew there were so many desperate single people at BYU?? ... Anyway, we're stuck in line so long that the event people start yelling at us to just talk to the people around us in line while we wait to get let in. Talk to the people around us in line?? That's ridiculous! I came for speed dating: quick conversations that have a cutoff point. If I wanted to socialize with people in a line I would just go grocery shopping! I felt cheated and told Alyssa we should leave. Gotham City needed us. But she convinced me to stick it out by reminded me that I do really want to check speed dating off my bucket list. So we stayed and obediently chatted. I met a guy who really reminded me of a robot. I think it's because he didn't laugh at my jokes.
When we finally get let in, they had given up on trying to place people according to personality test results. Mainly because they'd run out of room at the tables. Instead they had us just line up along the walls across from one another. They decided to just line us up with the people who had been around us in line so I started off with robot man some more. He showed me his results for the personality test that pretty much proved he was a robot. As if I couldn't already tell from his missing sense of humor. The one thing he did that I appreciated was he found us a random spot in the table groups and got us into that rotation instead of standing against the wall.
That's when the fun really began. Robot man moved down the line and I got the next guy. We started off with the regular what's your name and where are you from questions. And then *whistle blow* our time was up and he was leaving. I was amazed by how fast speed dating really is. Pretty much the same routine happened with the next guy. I realized how pointless this was seeming. How is finding out someone's name and where they're from going to help me find a soul mate?? (Because obviously that's the true reason we were all there tonight) The only important thing you learn from those questions is whether they're from Utah and that red flag is easily found out just through regular conversation. So I decided to change my tactics.
The next guy that showed up I said "As you can read, my name is Kendall and your name is Dan. (Obviously names have been replaced to protect identity. Or because I don't remember any of them.) Here's my question for you Dan, if Aliens about nine feet tall suddenly jumped through the ceiling right now, how would you defend yourself with what you have around you?" He struggled to think of anything that would work and pretty much just said he would run. It wasn't a very good answer and he lost whatever points he'd gained by wearing a wolf shirt. Actually he'd already lost the wolf shirt points by not even knowing the Office joke about wolf shirts.

After him, my memories start to blur. One started asking me questions about where I was from because I would even ask him a question so I decided he was boring and just stuck to the basics for him.
The next guy that came around, I asked "If I turned into a werewolf right now what would you do?" He said that he'd try to befriend me before just running away because then he would hopefully avoid getting eaten and also have a werewolf friend. That was a pretty good answer. And he came up with it very quickly so he got points for that. But then he asked me if I could be any animal, what would it be, and he asked it in a way as if his question was just as interested as mine. Maybe if I'd asked him what his favorite color was. Ridiculous.
It was after that guy that they announced that we were now entering the group date of the night and we could go to country swing dancing, latin dancing, or minute to win it games. I chose country swing. It was a grand old time of either getting thrown around by guys with muscles or getting hopelessly dizzy with the nervous guys who just kept spinning.
So I ended up having a very average night without any promise of a future spouse to show for it. After we regrouped, I found out Alyssa's story. An odd fellow had decided he was going to follow her around the whole night without any invitation to do so. Even when she informed him she was going to go sit down to get away, he informed her that he was going to keep following her around if that was alright. And the kind Alyssa said that it was. And when the odd fellow worked up the courage to ask her for her number, Alyssa reluctantly gave it because she is a saint. I don't know why she always gets the more interesting experiences! Alyssa was clearly the winner of the night.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Real Life Nancy Drew

With all of my siblings officially out of the Utah area, I have started to remember why I used to keep a blog. It was the best way to tell them all my funny, interesting stories at once without needing to remember which ones I've already told. Nobody likes repeat stories but we also don't like to be out of the loop. It's a delicate balance.
I'm officially 22! It's both miserable and magical. It's like I'm happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time but in the best way. Don't worry if you don't really understand what that could possibly feel like. I've learned it's something you can only feel when you are 22. Oh and single. None of my married or engaged friends understand it either.
For my actual birthday I just had a super cool party. And I'm using cool in the way that like the cool kids use it for the first time in my life! I had a bunch of people filling my tiny apartment eating Caesar's pizza and chatting. Not one single board game was pulled out the whole night. I'm pretty sure I've completely fooled all of my ward members into thinking I'm actually a cool kid! It's a pretty exciting feat but between you and I, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up the charade. The highlights of the party were both the delicious cake I made and the playlist of music videos on the TV which had T-Swift's 22 coming up every five songs. I know the cake doesn't look too exciting but it was DELICIOUS. Imagine a sugar cookie turned into a cake and you'll have some idea. For the first time almost all of the cake was completely eaten by the end of the party. It made me very happy.
So for my real birthday celebration, where my nerdy self got to shine, I convinced a bunch of my friends to do a getout game room with me. It wasn't really that hard to convince them since my parents kindly footed the bill. College kids do anything when it's free. The idea of the getout games is pretty much solving a Nancy Drew game but in real life. There are a bunch of pictures on the walls with secret codes hidden within them, drawers that need to be opened to get certain things, and all kinds of different locks. Here's the puzzle room we chose:
Intensity on a Chain is a fun and thrilling experience unlike anything you've ever done before. You need to solve the fun puzzles, find the key and escape, but there's a catch: chained to the wall in the room is a ravenous zombie...and he wants to eat you! Did we mention that his chain extends a little longer every 5 minutes?!! 
Not all of the rooms had zombies but I mean, once you read that you could have a zombie trying to eat you the whole time you're trying to solve the puzzles, how do you choose anything else?
I assumed I'd be super great at solving the puzzles because I've literally played more Nancy Drew games than I can remember. I absolutely love solving puzzles. Once we got in there though, I did not help solve a single puzzle. Not one. Am I disappointed in myself? Maybe a little bit. But I did certainly help inspire my smarter friends to solve their puzzles and I was a great distraction to the zombie. I kept yelling at the zombie to calm down and to back up. Turns out I'm super bossy when I'm scared.
In the end, with quite a few hints of help from the "zombie expert," we managed to cure the zombie and escape the room with only 15 seconds left. It was a super fun experience and I want to try out all the different rooms now. I'm mainly really hoping that with a couple more Nancy Drew games and no zombie attacking us, I'll suddenly turn into the super sleuth I think I am. 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Megan Roylance: The Coolest Person I Know

I never write on my blog anymore because my life has gotten way too exciting for you all to handle. But today is my dear friend Megan Roylance's birthday and I felt the need to one-up everyone else with my love for her. Mainly because she's my only legitimately cool friend and if I lose her I will no longer have any claim to being cool. (All of my other friends reading this... We all know it's true so there's no reason to get offended. Let's just stay nerdy friends forever)

So since she's turning 20, I imagine her memories are already starting to fade. Hopefully she'll have a few more years before her hair starts to gray but it's not looking positive. So I decided to post some pictures from the past to remind her of why she is so awesome.

1. Megan is great at cheering. I didn't even know that was a talent until I saw her cheer. She's the kind of cheerer who has so much energy after a win that she'll grip your arm and give you bruises from her happiness. Or maybe that's just because of her huge biceps... We can't be sure but either way she definitely wins every cheering contest.
 Or maybe not... Well to be fair she is still making a cool face.

 2. She's kind of a thug. You don't realize it because she's super nice all the time, but she is most definitely a thug part-time. There's no other way to explain her sweet facials.

3. She is a super hot. End of story

The only thing I have over her is that I will always be taller. Sorry about that.

So happy birthday Megan!! You are the coolest person ever! And now that you've read this fantastic blog post, I will be expecting a call telling me that you are coming up to visit me so I can see your beautiful face in person. And also so I can prove to people that I do have friends... But mainly so I can see you!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Courtney: The Best Roommate Ever

For Courtney's birthday, I decided I need to share with everyone the top five reasons Courtney is the best roommate ever.

  1. Even when she's engaged, she will call him later so that she can watch your favorite TV shows with you. 
  2. She has the greatest recipes ever! They all take only 2-3 ingredients and most of them involve crescent rolls so you know they're good. 
  3. Sometimes on beautiful sunny days, Courtney will choose to break out in song. It automatically makes that day fantastic. 
  4. On the very rare occasions that her room gets a little messy, she keeps it all completely and entirely on her side of the room. It's very thoughtful of her. 
  5. And lastly, she's just pretty much the coolest person I know. Even just living in the same room as her will make you at least 5% cooler. I'm proof of that fact.
So Curtis better get excited because he is getting the greatest roommate ever. As long as he remembers not to talk during movies, that crescent rolls and croissant rolls are not the same thing, not to lead you wrong when he navigates, and that saying "good morning" is not always a great idea. Haha Happy Birthday Courtney! 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Truth is Out: Kacey's My Favorite

I have four sisters all competing to be my favorite sister.
Kristy tried to prove her love by forcing me to fight Bryan on the trampoline. I'm sure her attempt was to make me feel like a winner! Even though I actually lost every time... 
Courtney actually shared her bed with me which is really nice! But she also made me get her a cup of water every night. And when I tried to refuse she would steal my book. I guess she was attempting to teach me how I could get things from people younger and weaker than me?
Kylie wouldn't let me play with her and her friends, she hurt my head when she did my hair, probably sat on me at some point, and broke a tea pot over my head once. I'm starting to suspect she was never trying to win my affections.
In fact, if I'm being honest I'm not sure any of these sisters have been trying to win my affections. Luckily I have another sister. 
That's right! Kacey is the winner!
While all of my other sisters beat up on me, Kacey was there to read stories to me, hide from Santa with me, help me search for Easter eggs, and even feed me. Everyone should wish they had a sister like Kacey. Let's go over some reasons why she's awesome! 
1. She is so witty it's ridiculous. Playing Awkward Family Photos with her just makes you feel like a complete idiot.
I want to know what she'd say about this one! All I can think of is the fact that he has a cat and I don't...
2. Kacey has always and will always be the most glamorous girl to me. Watching her go to formal dances and win Miss Moses Lake just fueled my desire to grow up so I could wear beautiful pictures just like her. Sadly Facebook wasn't around during then so I couldn't find any pictures online of her.
3. She got to go to Japan. And she brought me back chop sticks. And I still use chopsticks all the time just because of that fact. This one is actually just proving that I'm awesome...
4. Look at that face... Just stare at it...
5. She gives the greatest advice ever! It might be interupted with shouts of "Put that down!" or "Don't lick that!" But it is pure genius. Everyone should have a Kacey to guide them through life. 
Anyway, I have a million more reasons but this might be the one night all semester that I've actually been busy with things so I'm going to have to wrap this up.
Kacey, just know that you are the greatest sister I could have asked for and a fantastic mom. I have always looked up to you and I always will. Happy birthday!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

When I Grow Up I Want to Be... Kylie!

Everybody should want to be Kylie. Here's why.
1. Just look at that picture...
2. She's been on TV
3. She sings apples songs with enthusiasm 
4. Her smile!
5. She can kick your head off without hesitation
6. If you haven't met Kylie, you don't know what happiness is.
That's why everyone should strive to be more like Kylie. Not only will you be cooler, but the world will be a better place for everyone. 

Happy Birthday Kylie! I hope you have a great time in New Zealand!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Life from Behind the Curtains

So I'm taking a theatre class and it's awesome. For our class, we need to work at least ten hours with one of the student directed plays. One way you can do it is by acting in one. I went to three auditions and then skipped two out of three call backs. I clearly had more fun things to do. The one call back I went to was for a nine-year old girl character. Clearly my height is entirely to blame! Or we'll blame the fact that I was tired that morning and not very excited to be there. Either way, no one will mention my acting skills and I will go on in life believing that I could be a star on Broadway.
Anyway, without a part to play on the stage, I had to find work to do behind the stage. I got put into the show "Rented Christmas" as the prop master. That's right. Prop master. Greatest job title ever. But really what does that mean? How does someone master props? I had no idea. I go into this play thinking that eventually someone will say something like "Have you ever worked backstage before?" or "Hey do you even know what a prop master is?" or "What are you doing back stage?! You're clearly meant to be a star!"
None of these happened.
Instead I got a lock combination that lets me into a giant creepy cage below the stage, a giant list of random things that need to be in the show, and a calender marking up all my precious party time with practice. So as any good Earl does, I made things up as I went along and eventually get everything needed for the play.
My job consisted of a lot of different things. Sometimes it was just wrapping a whole bunch of boxes. Sometimes it was wrapping those boxes again because somebody ripped them. Sometimes it was wrapping those boxes again because we wanted new wrapping paper. Sometimes I was wrapping boxes just for the fun of it. And one time I even got to make shoes out of duct tape. (Funny story, I made one too tight and it got stuck to my foot. Actually it was terrifying. I'm still scared of duct tape.)
Anyway, the moral of the story is I actually really enjoy working backstage! I don't know whether it's my new calling in life but it's definitely a fun distraction. The shows start tonight with performance at 7 and then on Thursday at 1, 2, 4, and 7. If you like to support your favorite girl backstage, come on by! It's free and you get a cookie for coming. Kylie Earl, my favorite sister, gets a shout out for coming to support me! I'll admit it's a little awkward afterward since you can't give the usual "You were great out there!" Instead I get "That was a good show. Uhh... So I'm guessing things went well backstage?"
Anyway here's the trailer for our show! If you look really closely at all the presents and props, it's like you can see a piece of me in it...
And here's a random picture of me hard at work that I wasn't aware someone took. This must be what it's like to have paparazzi following you... 

Anyway the show really is great and anyone who wants to come is invited!
Oh there's also this thing called finals coming up. It sounds like some nerdy knowledge bowl or something. It's like all of BYU is obsessed with it... No worries though, I'll continue to ignore it. I'm clearly too cool for it.